SILENCE: FRIEND OR FOE?

An annoying habit of too many parents is the act of answering questions directed at their children. In particular, the parents who's children are old enough and capable to respond.

Likewise, leaders fall into this habit when they ask their team a question in a meeting and SILENCE falls heavy and the leader assumes the role of answering.

In both these cases we are either experiencing someone who is too accommodating or prefers the sound of their own voice. 

Whilst many leaders are following and leading the movements of collaboration, inclusiveness and mindfulness, many are not! 

We still have leaders (of adults and children) failing to provide breathing, thinking and silence spaces enabling people to build their responses and answers.

When coaching, the skill of silence can be very challenging to practise. Knowing the answer is IMMINENT, takes experience to just listen, creating the space for a thoughtful response.  

It's something we all experience however it takes the experienced to make it a common practice.

Silence should be your friend not your enemy.

Use silence to:

CUT TO THE CHASE -  when seeking an answer, ask the question and zip your lips. Let the other person think and be accountable for their role in the conversation

STOP THE BUSYNESS - sit for five minutes and do nothing, listen to nothing and think of nothing - it clears your head and allows you to then start to focus on what is most important

FIND A SOLUTION - often it's the quiet people who have the ideas however the noisy folk take up too much space to enable the solution to be heard

REFLECT- often the answer is held in our past. Taking time to reflect on past experiences guides us what to do or not do

ENGAGE - whilst this may sound strange, your role as a leader is to listen more than talk. Others will respect you for listening to them.

There are many powerful benefits of befriending silence. It's a tool for all leaders to hear more clearly and provide space for people to find their answer. 

There is one other benefit I have learnt from practising silence - being in tune with my body. I aim to attend the occasional yoga class and it's taken many years to see the value of lying in an awkward position in silence. I am so in tune with my body ... we are now at peace with each other - I suppose you could say we are friends!

Ready for change?

With Australian Politics under the spotlight, we can and should use this opportunity to contemplate the potential of this 'swift activity' occurring in our life.

Is there any possibility that you could be spilled in your role, organisation, friendship - any relationship?

Have you experienced a drastic change which occurred within hours?  Of course you have: resignations, redundancies, relationship break-ups, project cancellations, pregnancies (!) and the list continues.

The lesson here is, we should always be ready for change. Some folk could see the spill coming in the political arena - up in the stalls of the grandstand they observe and commentate.

However, how often do we ask our commentators to give us feedback and seek advice given what they see us doing and not doing?

My advice is the need to plan.

Plan to make mistakes; plan for failure; plan for successes; plan for spills in our life.

If we carry on as we do, with limited planning we'll be taken by surprise and on the back foot. 

People who have current plans will have a 2nd and 3rd approach up their sleeve.

We're finalising our Ultimate Planning Workshop - maybe we should invite some of the Federal Polititians! 

Do you celebrate Hump Day?

  IT'S HUMP DAY! 

The day which we strive to survive in order to see the weekend on the horizon.

We sometimes celebrate it (any excuse to have a wine during the week!) - especially if it's been a tough few days. 

Whilst I enjoy my week of work, I do look forward to Friday night and my weekend. We celebrate the week @ 5pm with champagne & chips, reviewing what was great and plan out the weekend.

What I want to differentiate is that some folk whinge, whine or worry about their week and on the weekend do the same about the following week! I'm not saying they are negative folk, they are expressing their unhappiness about their current state of being.

I offer you a tool which you can use with those who you hear being unhappy about their work/life.  It's a conversation model which opens the opportunity to discuss how to make decisions, choices, changes, when faced with a crossroad in life.

The Crossroads Model - The Grove Consulting Firm, SF, USA

It can be completed individually but we all know that we 'put off' these types of activities. So, if you can take the lead and do it together, you would be really helping both of you.

If this helps you or a colleague then our Driving Your Life program is a vehicle to make decisions in life. We use numerous reflective and conversation tools to choose the right road to take. 

Connect with me to learn about our program.