20 Tips To Lead with Resilience & Emotional Intelligence

LEADING WITH RESILIENCE & EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

The Female Factor is a leadership program for women to boost their confidence and have a positive presence in their business, workplace and community. Women have the X Factor, the chromosomal difference which when celebrated, and lived, makes a remarkable difference to the lives of others.

The Female Factor is a leadership program for women to boost their confidence and have a positive presence in their business, workplace and community. Women have the X Factor, the chromosomal difference which when celebrated, and lived, makes a remarkable difference to the lives of others.

To future-proof yourself, your career, your business, your workplace and community, we look to building skills, furthering our knowledge, increasing our connections and continue to squeeze in doing a bloody good job at our current role, or should I say, roles.

Taking on additional roles, for women, is just in our DNA; we need to boost our resilience and our emotional intelligence to maintain the momentum and tuned into our mind, body & soul.

We need to consciously build our muscles and skills in these two areas, resilience and emotional intelligence, to enable us to lead our life, business and a workplace.

These 20 tips, which I’ve gathered through observation, my reading, research, my own practice and through the many conversations with women on my The Female Factor Leadership Program.

 

I’ve categorized these tips into three levels:

PREPARATION – start with the internal; think and feel, don’t rush in too quickly, get yourself mentally and emotionally prepared

PRACTISE – share the practice by practising together, creating a movement by being a role-model and holding yourself accountable; people will begin to expect what you expect and more likely to follow your lead

PERMANENCY – consider achieving a habit status of being resilient and emotionally intelligent.

 

PREPARATION

Principles: re-evaluate your principles and consider how these align with resilience & emotional intelligence. Being principally minded means saying “no” when necessary if you find you are hurtling down the old familiar track of saying “yes” to please, when behaviours are disconnected from what’s most important to you.

People Person: have a mindset that you are a ‘people person’ with the intent to set your team up for effective, happy and positive work experiences. With a desire to achieve this goal, you know that you need to be more mindful of how you work and lead people.

Picture of Shared Success: move from being self-centred to a place of shared success. Continually visualise how ‘we can do this together’, remind yourself that you’re not on your own, that asking for help is normal and that asking for others’ point of views is sharing the load.

Perspective: a critical element of emotional intelligence is gaining perspective about what’s important and what’s a waste of your energy. Recognise that you are human and that it’s tough to keep focused. Humans are social beings and appreciate social connection, not just pumping out volumes of work.

Permission: give yourself permission to be vulnerable and apply a new approach to how you operate – give yourself permission to talk about how you’re feeling and how you want to feel. The Female Factor is about celebrating your feelings.

Ponder thoughts: question yourself about your feelings. Have an internal conversation and journal your thoughts about your feelings. This is one of your first emotionally intelligent practices to make a change in your leadership style. Insight and hindsight open the door to foresight – the aim to use your X factor in The Female Factor.

Purpose: remind yourself of your purpose of being resilient and tuning into your emotional intelligence. Write yourself a mantra or put a reminder on your phone – let it be the purpose of your day.

 

PRACTISE

Passion: pour your passion into exercising your resilience and emotional intelligence and it will do the heavy lifting.

Presence: your presence captures the hearts and minds of the people in the room in which you walk into; it’s how you converse, approach people, engage and leave the room. How you hold yourself and communicate, is determined by your resilience and your emotional framework.

Pause: before you react to something or with someone, PAUSE and consider how you could respond better, knowing what you know about other people, your PAUSE is your weapon of choice.

Partner with your Team be their coach, help them learn and increase their performance. Be sincere and humble. Don’t be a ‘know all’, rather partner up and practise and learn together.

Power: know that your power can be perceived positively and negatively; be in control of your own power, in your language and actions. Being ‘right all the time’ and your status can damage the resilience and relationship with others. Use your power for the force of good. Apologize when you wouldn’t to value your relationship over your ego.

Positive Interactions: look for opportunities to find positive interactions with team members which you can provide positive feedback. The biggest disconnect in business is feedback – we don’t reassure and reinforce what we expect.

Point of View: leaders need to be trusted, quickly, and what engenders this trust is being heard, empathised with understood. Your point of view is secondary. It’s paramount to hear your team and colleagues’ point of view to reduce fear, anxiety and create hope and joy in the workplace.

Protect your feelings: become more aware of how you respond to feedback (verbal and your body language). Flip how you react and respond and welcome any feedback as being helpful feedback – whether that be about yourself or a ‘window’ into understanding the other person better.

 

PERMANENCY

Perfection: this is the enemy of the good – don’t believe it will happen overnight and don’t believe it will have an end – you’ll always be aiming to practise to be perfect and the goal posts will move, and you’ll be tested to the core. Focus on practising, not perfecting.

Personal Plan: sharpen your Emotional Intelligence by making time to purposely behave with emotional intelligence and record reactions and responses. Plan to maintain your resilience by equipping your resources into the categories of emotional, physical, mental and social which you can tap into when needed.

Practise the Practice: continue to share with your team that you’re practising resilience and emotional intelligence to heighten their awareness of the behaviours which make the difference.

Persistence – keep at it, keep practising, keep experimenting, keep tweaking and above all, remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Permanent – as James Clear said in his book, Atomic Habits, it may take 10,000 hours to form a new habit. Good Luck to make your resilient and emotional intelligence, permanent!

Please connect and contribute to this list of my tips to practise and in particular, lead others in Resilience and Emotional Intelligence. There so many wonderful practices practised by people which I haven’t captured. Your sharing will boost the resilience of other women.

For details about The Female Factor - CLICK HERE

To connect with me and discuss how we can potentially work together - CLICK HERE

Ready for change?

With Australian Politics under the spotlight, we can and should use this opportunity to contemplate the potential of this 'swift activity' occurring in our life.

Is there any possibility that you could be spilled in your role, organisation, friendship - any relationship?

Have you experienced a drastic change which occurred within hours?  Of course you have: resignations, redundancies, relationship break-ups, project cancellations, pregnancies (!) and the list continues.

The lesson here is, we should always be ready for change. Some folk could see the spill coming in the political arena - up in the stalls of the grandstand they observe and commentate.

However, how often do we ask our commentators to give us feedback and seek advice given what they see us doing and not doing?

My advice is the need to plan.

Plan to make mistakes; plan for failure; plan for successes; plan for spills in our life.

If we carry on as we do, with limited planning we'll be taken by surprise and on the back foot. 

People who have current plans will have a 2nd and 3rd approach up their sleeve.

We're finalising our Ultimate Planning Workshop - maybe we should invite some of the Federal Polititians! 

 

Get Proactive With Your Time Consuming Tasks

To enable ourselves to approach planning with a clear view of our goal, we need to declutter our space, or better still, I suggest declutter our life.

 

When I ask people, "what prevents them from achieving your performance goals?", a frequent response is: the time consuming tasks, like: email traffic, last minute meetings and regular redundant reports.

This is an excuse and it needs to be addressed. It's behavioural so it can be changed!

My tips for approaching these 'tasks' is to say to yourself "stop being reactive and start being proactive". In other words, be accountable for what you do.

I should't need to tell you this ... however, we are all guilty of 'unconscious behaviours' taking control of our life, so, it does help when the obvious is made obvious to us. 

To be PROACTIVE with these time consuming tasks:

1. Think before you respond - consider, what you really want to say, say it assertively and ensure your message approaches the situation to make a change. I admire people who call me and others in response to emails or better still, they move and speak 'face to face' to the sender of the communication! 

2. Check the purpose of the task - ask yourself, "is my input required, is there a decision requested and what is the consequence if I don't action the task?" This will require conversations with others; in the long run if might free up your time.

3. Offer an alternative or solution to stop the task reoccurring - whilst it might take time, consider your quest to to remove the task from your role. Yep, it's about change which others will react to. No pain ... no gain!

We want you to be prepared for an awesome 2016 which means decluttering your life to enable you to easily squeeze new behaviours, activities and tasks which add more meaning and purpose to your life. (You have 16 weeks to make these changes.)

 

Squeeze the life out of your life!

How busy are you today?

When did you wake? When will you sleep?

How many tasks, meetings, events and things have you attended to, already?

We live in a world which presents us with every conceivable tool to enable our involvement and opportunity to be engaged - so much so we've been consumed into a vortex which has disabled our ability to say "NO!"

We've queued for quantity and disbanded quality. OK, maybe there are some quality factors in your life however in our pursuit to get the one thing at a quality standard, we risk missing the 29 other items to attend to.

We literally squeeze the life out of our life.

We are so exhausted we forget to simply enjoy, breath, soak up the sensation and marvel at the creation.

Life is about choice. We choose what we do in life. We are accountable, that is, personally responsible for what we do. 

To avoid the squeeze, choose three less things to squeeze into your day. With that added time, be in the moment of what you do rather than wondering, what's next to squeeze into the day. It's not that easy; it takes planning and the skill of decluttering! More on that tomorrow.

How do you do it?

I recently met with a 'Mentee' and she commented "how do you do it?" - "a businesswomen with a young family". It stopped me in my tracks, as I generally wonder how others do it!

We all have the same number of hours allocated to us and for some reason, some do it while others watch you do it!

From my observation it comes down to: choice and the techniques, processes and approach we take to accomplish what's on our list.

Choice is the mental piece - it's the tough one to crack. Do I choose to get up early, go to bed early, watch TV until midnight, go to the gym during my lunch break, eat a carrot rather than a donut etc. It's the continuous conversation in your head which is either connected or disconnected to your values and drive.

The techniques, processes and approach is all skill based - learnt with experience. For example:  writing goals, prioritising activities and creating a plan are second nature for those that regularly practise. My approach involves talking, asking and testing ideas - then writing it down and acting on ot! It works for me!

The main point is, if it ain't working for you and you're not doing it - then ask for help. Get a Coach, a Mentor, seek someone out whom you've observed 'doing it' and question them - "How do you do it?"

I host a Women's Business Network in my suburb; we have our own private Facebook page and meet regularly to discuss our business ideas & issues. I'm in another network with four other women and we're always asking "How do you do it?"

Don't stop asking!