20 Tips To Lead with Resilience & Emotional Intelligence

LEADING WITH RESILIENCE & EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

The Female Factor is a leadership program for women to boost their confidence and have a positive presence in their business, workplace and community. Women have the X Factor, the chromosomal difference which when celebrated, and lived, makes a remarkable difference to the lives of others.

The Female Factor is a leadership program for women to boost their confidence and have a positive presence in their business, workplace and community. Women have the X Factor, the chromosomal difference which when celebrated, and lived, makes a remarkable difference to the lives of others.

To future-proof yourself, your career, your business, your workplace and community, we look to building skills, furthering our knowledge, increasing our connections and continue to squeeze in doing a bloody good job at our current role, or should I say, roles.

Taking on additional roles, for women, is just in our DNA; we need to boost our resilience and our emotional intelligence to maintain the momentum and tuned into our mind, body & soul.

We need to consciously build our muscles and skills in these two areas, resilience and emotional intelligence, to enable us to lead our life, business and a workplace.

These 20 tips, which I’ve gathered through observation, my reading, research, my own practice and through the many conversations with women on my The Female Factor Leadership Program.

 

I’ve categorized these tips into three levels:

PREPARATION – start with the internal; think and feel, don’t rush in too quickly, get yourself mentally and emotionally prepared

PRACTISE – share the practice by practising together, creating a movement by being a role-model and holding yourself accountable; people will begin to expect what you expect and more likely to follow your lead

PERMANENCY – consider achieving a habit status of being resilient and emotionally intelligent.

 

PREPARATION

Principles: re-evaluate your principles and consider how these align with resilience & emotional intelligence. Being principally minded means saying “no” when necessary if you find you are hurtling down the old familiar track of saying “yes” to please, when behaviours are disconnected from what’s most important to you.

People Person: have a mindset that you are a ‘people person’ with the intent to set your team up for effective, happy and positive work experiences. With a desire to achieve this goal, you know that you need to be more mindful of how you work and lead people.

Picture of Shared Success: move from being self-centred to a place of shared success. Continually visualise how ‘we can do this together’, remind yourself that you’re not on your own, that asking for help is normal and that asking for others’ point of views is sharing the load.

Perspective: a critical element of emotional intelligence is gaining perspective about what’s important and what’s a waste of your energy. Recognise that you are human and that it’s tough to keep focused. Humans are social beings and appreciate social connection, not just pumping out volumes of work.

Permission: give yourself permission to be vulnerable and apply a new approach to how you operate – give yourself permission to talk about how you’re feeling and how you want to feel. The Female Factor is about celebrating your feelings.

Ponder thoughts: question yourself about your feelings. Have an internal conversation and journal your thoughts about your feelings. This is one of your first emotionally intelligent practices to make a change in your leadership style. Insight and hindsight open the door to foresight – the aim to use your X factor in The Female Factor.

Purpose: remind yourself of your purpose of being resilient and tuning into your emotional intelligence. Write yourself a mantra or put a reminder on your phone – let it be the purpose of your day.

 

PRACTISE

Passion: pour your passion into exercising your resilience and emotional intelligence and it will do the heavy lifting.

Presence: your presence captures the hearts and minds of the people in the room in which you walk into; it’s how you converse, approach people, engage and leave the room. How you hold yourself and communicate, is determined by your resilience and your emotional framework.

Pause: before you react to something or with someone, PAUSE and consider how you could respond better, knowing what you know about other people, your PAUSE is your weapon of choice.

Partner with your Team be their coach, help them learn and increase their performance. Be sincere and humble. Don’t be a ‘know all’, rather partner up and practise and learn together.

Power: know that your power can be perceived positively and negatively; be in control of your own power, in your language and actions. Being ‘right all the time’ and your status can damage the resilience and relationship with others. Use your power for the force of good. Apologize when you wouldn’t to value your relationship over your ego.

Positive Interactions: look for opportunities to find positive interactions with team members which you can provide positive feedback. The biggest disconnect in business is feedback – we don’t reassure and reinforce what we expect.

Point of View: leaders need to be trusted, quickly, and what engenders this trust is being heard, empathised with understood. Your point of view is secondary. It’s paramount to hear your team and colleagues’ point of view to reduce fear, anxiety and create hope and joy in the workplace.

Protect your feelings: become more aware of how you respond to feedback (verbal and your body language). Flip how you react and respond and welcome any feedback as being helpful feedback – whether that be about yourself or a ‘window’ into understanding the other person better.

 

PERMANENCY

Perfection: this is the enemy of the good – don’t believe it will happen overnight and don’t believe it will have an end – you’ll always be aiming to practise to be perfect and the goal posts will move, and you’ll be tested to the core. Focus on practising, not perfecting.

Personal Plan: sharpen your Emotional Intelligence by making time to purposely behave with emotional intelligence and record reactions and responses. Plan to maintain your resilience by equipping your resources into the categories of emotional, physical, mental and social which you can tap into when needed.

Practise the Practice: continue to share with your team that you’re practising resilience and emotional intelligence to heighten their awareness of the behaviours which make the difference.

Persistence – keep at it, keep practising, keep experimenting, keep tweaking and above all, remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Permanent – as James Clear said in his book, Atomic Habits, it may take 10,000 hours to form a new habit. Good Luck to make your resilient and emotional intelligence, permanent!

Please connect and contribute to this list of my tips to practise and in particular, lead others in Resilience and Emotional Intelligence. There so many wonderful practices practised by people which I haven’t captured. Your sharing will boost the resilience of other women.

For details about The Female Factor - CLICK HERE

To connect with me and discuss how we can potentially work together - CLICK HERE

THE X FACTOR - THE FEMALE FACTOR

THE X FACTOR - THE FEMALE FACTOR

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Champagne Consultants

In my recent ‘Champagne Consultants’ meeting, they’re my Brains Trust, their feedback hit me; “when you talk about the work you do with women, The Female Factor, your face lights up.”

It’s interesting what others observe in us when we’re in the arena.

What subject makes your face light up?

My subject is ‘Women and the need to have more female leaders in our business and community.

I’ve deducted that women carry so much baggage from their current and past roles, including home and work life, that they’re exhausted when they arrive into the present; too weighed down, missing opportunities which require them to make a sprint.

My goal is to take their baggage, unpack it, repack it with items which will never date and remove what’s unfashionably heavy and holding them back.

I recall wearing a grey suit to the office and I immediately felt ‘one of them’ – a feeling which I was unconsciously aiming to achieve. I was generally one of the few females in the office. When I reflect on my wardrobe’s era, it was a beautiful suit, however I wore it the least. I was the one wearing the canary yellow, the red and the green suit … I was fighting for my seat at the table, to be seen and heard!

It’s not 1920; it’s 2019 and before we know it, it will be 2020.

How do you want our workplaces to feel and appeal to your crew, clients and colleagues?

I don’t and shouldn’t need to share this, but I’m going to.

Women are unique; to begin with, they have the X factor – they have an extra X Chromosome. This chromosome gives us the estrogen which filtrates our bodies, think of periods, pregnancy, post-natal depression, inability to fall pregnant and then it depletes when we travel through menopause. (I’m not going to linger here – that’s another story.)  These bodies of ours are wired differently. And then, there are the emotions associated with all these changes!

Women can’t be treated equal; we are unique. We bring a different and diverse set of behaviours, strengths and feelings to the table which are needed for fair appraisal of decisions in the workplace.

More men need to sit at the table – the kitchen table (Who said that?) and more women need to sit at the boardroom table.

We are all responsible to have women at the table yet it’s reliant that there is a belief and desire to be in these leadership positions. Whether it’s leading a project, being the gatekeeper to the CEO (there are some awesome EAs) or a first-time team leader.

My 12-year-old daughter proclaimed this week that she’s going to become the Prime Minister of Australia. She’s disillusioned with the behaviour of the male leaders. Only three years earlier she was surprised that I had a female doctor; she believed only men were doctors and women were nurses.

There’s a gender deafness when there is only one women in parliament.

We are stuck; sadly, women are stuck because we are invisible. There are so few women at the table that men don’t notice us, let alone hear us. As Julie Bishop, former Foreign Minister in the Australian Federal Government said, “there’s a gender deafness when there is only one (or a few) women in Parliament.”

There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support each other.

And worse still, some women, don’t support each other. It’s one of the worst offences in business and I believe there should be a punishable charge for being guilty of this inaction. Madeleine Albright, First Female Secretary of State of the United States of America said, “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support each other.”

What got you here, won’t get you there.

Being stuck needs action. You may know or not know you are stuck. And being pulled out is a step in the right direction; a woman needs to take control; make a choice of the change she wants to see and develop a system of behaviours to make that happen. What got you here, won’t get you there as Marshall Goldsmith, world leader in the art of coaching, told us on the front cover of his 2007 book.

Or, maybe the woman has been thrown in the deep end, into a position with no training or experience. She’ll have the technical expertise yet missed receiving the manual to follow the function of a leader.

Let’s proactively help women around us. Whether you’re a man or woman reading this (thanks for staying with me) we need to act.

Women are less likely to do this alone - they have less ego and bravado of her male counterparts. I suspect this stems from the testosterone levels in their chromosomal composition! Men sit, stand, speak, show and share differently.  Sadly, we want to be treated equal, when, how can we? What we want, is to be included. The more we seek equality, the more closed we become at seeing our uniqueness.

Let’s concentrate on enabling females to become who they are and ask males to make space at the table for the female heads, hearts, and hands.

 

THE FEMALE FACTOR – A LEADERSHIP PROGRAM TO FUTURE PROOF YOU & YOUR BUSINESS

The Female Factor was created when a client solidified what I was observing in client workplaces. She said, “we need to help women with a ladder of frameworks, tools, techniques and tips to have presence in the room to confidently speak and take a lead.”

The speed to arrive at achieving this confidence and presence isn’t breaking any records. If anything, some businesses should be charged for going too slow, if not backwards. Those racing ahead have role-models, mentors and coaches and a clearly defined map.

However, life isn’t always laid out that way and often the confidence prohibits the urgency to request help.

I’ve researched this desire and business requirement and created a system to fast-track women to an awareness of the route on the map and arrive at where X marks the spot.

 

These are five factors for the journey to arrive at The Female X Factor:

1.      Know your fundamental motive - your reason, purpose, philosophy, drive and allow these to do the heavy lifting when you find yourself failing.

2.      Be the force. Be strong and identify with your leadership style. Find folk who will lift you, challenge you, sing your praise and remind you to play to your strengths.

3.      Be flexible rather than fixed with your communication. Use your three key intelligence: emotional, conversational and relational to build and give trust.

4.      Flip your thinking and focus on what you can confidently do and watch your facade take on a reputational presence.

5.      Find opportunities to continue learning, experimenting with the exercises, connecting with other female leaders and developing your super X factor.

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Investing in women/yourself, giving permission to someone to guide you to focus on what is more effective for your performance, rather than listening to the loudest voice, the one in your head is the ultimate approach to an agile mindset, ready and flexible to grow the X Factor.

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Psychological Safety

Warming up the room. Making the space safe & creating trustworthiness.

When I work with women, I mold a psychologically safe space to connect and communicate, to be open to hear new and wise words. And, when women get together, there’s a vibe which feels like an electric blanket on a cold evening in a strange bed. There’s an immediate warmth which enables you to quickly relax and feel comfortable and trusted.

The pace of business is demanding that we provide professional development in shorter sessions, aka masterclasses, hosted in the early hours of the day or as evening classes to cause minimal interruption to the business.  Although we know there is tremendous outcomes associated with having day long focused sessions, thankfully I have tested its ability to be delivered over multiple sessions.

Now is the time to consider how it’s possible to create the opportunity for the women in your organisation to get together and celebrate their uniqueness, differentiate themselves from their male counterparts and think and focus on their future as leaders of their workplace and community.

Let’s connect to have that conversations.

 A SPECIAL PROJECT - THE FEMALE FACTOR FOR SOLE TRADERS

One of my projects is hosting a group of women who don’t have business/corporate/government funding to participate in The Female Factor. I’m thinking entrepreneurs, small business operators, sole traders, freelancers and consultants.

Do you fit one of these categories?

I want to offer you the opportunity to participate on this program. This may involve some face-to-face (the more the better) or by virtual connection and a conversation hub to enable you to create your own X Factor Tribe.

Who do you know who would sponsor this project? Are you a government department leader who values the growth of women leaders or you’d like to leave a legacy, investing in female leadership?

I’d welcome this very important conversation.

 

THE LANGUAGE OF LEADERSHIP - B

THE LANGUAGE OF LEADERSHIP

THE LETTER B

When you talk about leadership, what are your go to words?

What is your ‘language of leadership’?

In a series of blogs this month, I am exploring how I see leadership and invite you to consider your choice of words and terms which describe your style of leadership.

Using the order of the English alphabet, I will share my selection of words daily and my reasoning for these choices.

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Today the letter is B!

B is for behaviour, brand and best. There is no right or wrong in the selection of the words; the goal is to broaden your thinking about your practice of leadership.

Join me in my game, ‘the language of leadership’ and offer your ‘B’ word.

My three B words are:

Behaviour – it’s what we do and say that encapsulates your drive, beliefs, intent and purpose. People look to you and seek consistency in your leadership – how you communicate with people, how you self-motivate and regulate and how you deal with conflict and crisis. For me, the focus on behaviour is critical to moving from a good leader to being a great leader.

Focusing on your behaviour starts with analysing how you see yourself – how you think and feel your behave in a variety of situations. Secondly, it’s about auditing your analysis, by being more self-aware – is what you think, a reality? And, how satisfied are you – what changes would you like to see in the outcome of the way you behave? Maybe you need to dial it up more or dial it down.

Finally, ask for feedback about your behaviour. Ask specific questions about what you want to address and ask more broadly to capture what’s not obvious to you. For example, is there something I do which annoys the team, that possibly contradicts what I ask and expect of you/them?

You need to build your brand.

You need to build your brand.

Brand – when colleagues, the chiefs and your crew describe you, what do they say? When you’ve left the office, how do they describe your membership of the business and team. Curating your leadership brand is a strategy you can implement and possibly control if your reputation is important to you and your company.

To get you started, consider key descriptions of your style of leadership. Record these and be alert to when they show up. And, what are the situations which you live out these descriptions? If you are confident, then openly express that this is your brand. Talk yourself up and ensure you deliver.

Best – I’m a woman from the ‘80’s and we were always looking out for the best practice in service, design and delivery. My focus hasn’t changed – I am always wanting to improve my game and to update my knowledge of my leadership profession.

We also talk about ‘bringing your best self’ which is simply a pause and reflect action to clear your head and consider the voice in your head (who’s driving your bus today) and how you’re planning on behaving in your various roles. You do have a choice.

I’ve only heard myself say, they bring the worst out in me, a few times in my life and I know I’ve lost control and almost given up! What I prefer to hear is, ‘they bring the best out in me’. Find the people who help you be your best – they are the companions you want for life.

What’s your B word contribution? I’d love to hear your point of view.

And of course, tomorrow is the letter C. Join me and play the game ‘’The Language of Leadership’’.

EGO - YOUR ENEMY?

Is Ego your Enemy?

In the ‘70s, Skyhooks, an iconic Australian band, had a hit song, ‘Ego is not a dirty word’. So iconic, that the mere mention of the word “Ego” sends the Australian (of my era) mind into a lyric mode. (Am I right?)

I grew up believing that Ego wasn’t a dirty word however in recent reads, ‘ego’ has raised its head as the culprit and the demise of so many known identifies. Ego caught my eye while book browsing and this week I read Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday, a New York media columnist, reformed workaholic and historian.

To be told that ego is the enemy, the reason for so much sadness, failures, and unfulfilled dreams, proved a challenging read. However, as I flicked through the pages, it proved to be an interesting, informative and I must say, influential read. If a book can change your view on a matter then it’s been a worthy read. I was really challenged by this book’s content– more so than any other book I’ve read during my self-imposed reading ‘challenge’. Ryan’s style is sophisticated, yet soothing with so many stories and his blatantly biased beliefs.

With his rich source of historical stories and fact, I found the read a most educative read – it’s saved me reading 20+ historical books – learning about his choice of individuals who have either suffered their own demise of egotism or mastered a humble life. I feel most informed about; Aristotle, Churchill, Machiavelli, General Marshall, Howard Hughes, Genghis Khan, Benjamin Franklin, Katharine Graham, Angela Merkel, Malcolm X, Steve Jobs and Adam Smith.  

Chancellor Angela Merkel is sober, when far too many leaders are intoxicated - with ego, with power, with position.

Chancellor Angela Merkel is sober, when far too many leaders are intoxicated - with ego, with power, with position.

The ego we see most commonly goes by a more casual definition: an unhealthy belief in your own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition.

The book is organised into three sections: Aspire, Success, and Failure. Purposely designed to heighten your awareness when ego will plague you, encouraging you to start your training to suppress ego and to replace the temptations and cultivate strength. In other words: be humble in our aspirations, gracious in our success and resilient in our failures.

I would expect that my many extroverted mates will be intimidated with the views scattered through the book and suspect that 51% of the population, the introverts in our world, will agree with the populated world of extroverts who are overly noisy about their passion for sharing in their egotistical manner!

WHEREVER YOU ARE, WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING, YOUR WORST ENEMY ALREADY LIVES INSIDE YOU: YOUR EGO.

I found myself sinking into thoughts of the past, using this new Ego lens to view people’s performance, behaviours and management of matters. Ego has taken the paramount place in guiding their choices and humility has been left behind.

I suspect that this book would be a great gift for that person who’s Ego needs taming or needs some training.

I’ve been following Ryan on Twitter for the past week and he shares an abundance of historical quotes.  This is evidently his style as the book is saturated with wisdom and challenging thoughts. To master our greatest opponent, our ego, let’s contemplete these thoughts:

·        Passion typically masks a weakness – it is a poor substitute for discipline, master, strength, purpose and perseverance.

·        We tend to think that ego equals confidence, which is what we need to be in charge. In fact, it can have the opposite effect.

·        Pride blunts the very instrument we need to own in order to succeed: our mind.

·        Passion is form over function. Purpose is function, function, function.

·        What is rare is not raw talent, skill or even confidence but humility, diligence and self-awareness

·        The ability to deliberately keep yourself out of the conversation and subsist without its validation. Silence is the respite of the confident and the strong.

·        Talk depletes us – while goal visualisation is important, after a certain point our mind begins to confuse it with actual progress – the same goes for verbalization.

·        The only relationship between work and chatter is that one kills the other.

·        If you start believing in your greatness, it is the death of your creativity.

·        Only when free of ego and baggage can anyone perform to their utmost.

·        When we remove ego, we’re left with what is real.

·        It is poise, not pose.

·        One might say that the ability to evaluate one’s own ability is the most important skill of all. Without it, improvement is impossible.

·        Don’t allow your ego’s noise to indulge in games – ignore the noise, don’t allow it to distract you. Restraint is a critical skill.

·        Man is pushed by drives but he is pulled by values.

·        Disease of Me – after a team starts to win, the simple bonds that joined the individuals begin to fray – people calculate their importance.

·        Silence the noise around you; ‘go into the wilderness and return with inspiration, a plan, perspective and an understanding of the larger picture.

·        Creativity is a matter of receptiveness and recognition. This cannot happen if you’re convinced the world revolves around you.

·        Power doesn’t so much corrupt: that’s too simple. It fragments, closes options, mesmerizes – clouds the mind precisely when it needs to be clear. Sobriety is a counterbalance, a hangover cure – or better, a prevention method.

·        Ego can’t see both sides of the issue. It can’t get better because it only sees the validation.

·        Vain men never hear anything but praise.

·        Not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.

A great metaphor is shared regarding training to master your ego. Training is like sweeping the floor. Just because we’ve done it once, doesn’t mean the floor is clean forever. Every day dust comes back. Every day we must sweep. (Every minute of the day and then sweep again.)

If you struggle with the discipline of changing your behaviour, it's worth considering asking for guidance. Get in contact with me to help you with your ego.

I’m looking forward to my 20th book which I found in my library – it’s by Donald Trump! 

I’m endeavouring to read 52 Business/Professional/Personal Development books in 52 weeks. Yep, that’s one a week. As I read each book, I’ll share my thoughts, learning and recommendations. If there is a book that you’ve been meaning to read, let me know and I’ll read it for us!

Put One Foot Forward

PUT ONE FOOT FORWARD - YOU CAN DO IT!

I read last year that the way to complete a half marathon is to put one foot forward. Yep, simple as that!

Whilst out this morning, I was struggling but determined to run at least 5km without stopping and this mantra kicked in - just put one foot forward. And that I did and I managed to complete 6km which is still a minuscule of what I should be running.

In our businesses and simply in our whole life, we can apply this mantra:

Put my question forward - how many times do you sit in a meeting and the most important question hasn't been asked. You have the question in your head and cheat the group by avoiding the consequence of the question.

Put myself forward - whether it's to offer help, volunteer your talent or to be the first follower (aka Dancing Guy video) to support someone achieve their endeavor.

Put my story forward - we know that stories are a powerful way to help people understand the information you're conveying. Ditch the big white screen or the handout and simply tell a story from the heart to get your message across to others.  

Put my idea forward - if you continue to get the same results due to repetitive behaviour its time to put your idea forward - it could make a difference.

Put One Foot Forward - if like me you are keen to live a long healthy life to see your kids and other important folk live a great life then you have to put one foot forward in the direction of exercise, moderation in choices and healthy food. I've not had a coffee for two weeks and I'm surviving!

 What will you put forward? Give it some thought and have meaning & purpose in your drive to keep putting it forward.

Red Boots

When I sat down to listen to Professor Dr Michael E Bernard talk about his subject of #Mindsets - I was immediately attracted to his Red Boots!

OK, for some, you're reacting with 'Big Deal' however I immediately engaged with this man as I built the image of a confident man who has one, got style, two, is so self aware that he's proud of himself and three, he was comfortable in his own skin (well, patent leather!)

So, being visual I kept looking at the boots, however the upside is I've been able to recall his information as I've linked it to the Red Boots. (I'll blog about the Mindsets another day.)

The key question is - What are your Red Boots? How do you help people recall your name, your information and actually remember you you are?

Do you: 

Carry an iconic item where ever you go? 

Wear flattering colouring and comfortable clothing that fits? 

Manicure your nails, style your locks and maintain your facial hair?

Wear fragrance and deodorant?

Use language which is complimentary and motivating? 

I know I'm being personal, however I meet so many people (and no doubt you do too) I need some help to remember you! Take some time and look at yourself in a full length mirror, or, better still, ask for feedback. It's all about being self aware - a must for leaders. Ask specifically "do I attract you or distract you in what I do & say" - that's a good start.  

Off I go shopping for a new work bag - something iconic!