20 Tips To Lead with Resilience & Emotional Intelligence

LEADING WITH RESILIENCE & EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

The Female Factor is a leadership program for women to boost their confidence and have a positive presence in their business, workplace and community. Women have the X Factor, the chromosomal difference which when celebrated, and lived, makes a remarkable difference to the lives of others.

The Female Factor is a leadership program for women to boost their confidence and have a positive presence in their business, workplace and community. Women have the X Factor, the chromosomal difference which when celebrated, and lived, makes a remarkable difference to the lives of others.

To future-proof yourself, your career, your business, your workplace and community, we look to building skills, furthering our knowledge, increasing our connections and continue to squeeze in doing a bloody good job at our current role, or should I say, roles.

Taking on additional roles, for women, is just in our DNA; we need to boost our resilience and our emotional intelligence to maintain the momentum and tuned into our mind, body & soul.

We need to consciously build our muscles and skills in these two areas, resilience and emotional intelligence, to enable us to lead our life, business and a workplace.

These 20 tips, which I’ve gathered through observation, my reading, research, my own practice and through the many conversations with women on my The Female Factor Leadership Program.

 

I’ve categorized these tips into three levels:

PREPARATION – start with the internal; think and feel, don’t rush in too quickly, get yourself mentally and emotionally prepared

PRACTISE – share the practice by practising together, creating a movement by being a role-model and holding yourself accountable; people will begin to expect what you expect and more likely to follow your lead

PERMANENCY – consider achieving a habit status of being resilient and emotionally intelligent.

 

PREPARATION

Principles: re-evaluate your principles and consider how these align with resilience & emotional intelligence. Being principally minded means saying “no” when necessary if you find you are hurtling down the old familiar track of saying “yes” to please, when behaviours are disconnected from what’s most important to you.

People Person: have a mindset that you are a ‘people person’ with the intent to set your team up for effective, happy and positive work experiences. With a desire to achieve this goal, you know that you need to be more mindful of how you work and lead people.

Picture of Shared Success: move from being self-centred to a place of shared success. Continually visualise how ‘we can do this together’, remind yourself that you’re not on your own, that asking for help is normal and that asking for others’ point of views is sharing the load.

Perspective: a critical element of emotional intelligence is gaining perspective about what’s important and what’s a waste of your energy. Recognise that you are human and that it’s tough to keep focused. Humans are social beings and appreciate social connection, not just pumping out volumes of work.

Permission: give yourself permission to be vulnerable and apply a new approach to how you operate – give yourself permission to talk about how you’re feeling and how you want to feel. The Female Factor is about celebrating your feelings.

Ponder thoughts: question yourself about your feelings. Have an internal conversation and journal your thoughts about your feelings. This is one of your first emotionally intelligent practices to make a change in your leadership style. Insight and hindsight open the door to foresight – the aim to use your X factor in The Female Factor.

Purpose: remind yourself of your purpose of being resilient and tuning into your emotional intelligence. Write yourself a mantra or put a reminder on your phone – let it be the purpose of your day.

 

PRACTISE

Passion: pour your passion into exercising your resilience and emotional intelligence and it will do the heavy lifting.

Presence: your presence captures the hearts and minds of the people in the room in which you walk into; it’s how you converse, approach people, engage and leave the room. How you hold yourself and communicate, is determined by your resilience and your emotional framework.

Pause: before you react to something or with someone, PAUSE and consider how you could respond better, knowing what you know about other people, your PAUSE is your weapon of choice.

Partner with your Team be their coach, help them learn and increase their performance. Be sincere and humble. Don’t be a ‘know all’, rather partner up and practise and learn together.

Power: know that your power can be perceived positively and negatively; be in control of your own power, in your language and actions. Being ‘right all the time’ and your status can damage the resilience and relationship with others. Use your power for the force of good. Apologize when you wouldn’t to value your relationship over your ego.

Positive Interactions: look for opportunities to find positive interactions with team members which you can provide positive feedback. The biggest disconnect in business is feedback – we don’t reassure and reinforce what we expect.

Point of View: leaders need to be trusted, quickly, and what engenders this trust is being heard, empathised with understood. Your point of view is secondary. It’s paramount to hear your team and colleagues’ point of view to reduce fear, anxiety and create hope and joy in the workplace.

Protect your feelings: become more aware of how you respond to feedback (verbal and your body language). Flip how you react and respond and welcome any feedback as being helpful feedback – whether that be about yourself or a ‘window’ into understanding the other person better.

 

PERMANENCY

Perfection: this is the enemy of the good – don’t believe it will happen overnight and don’t believe it will have an end – you’ll always be aiming to practise to be perfect and the goal posts will move, and you’ll be tested to the core. Focus on practising, not perfecting.

Personal Plan: sharpen your Emotional Intelligence by making time to purposely behave with emotional intelligence and record reactions and responses. Plan to maintain your resilience by equipping your resources into the categories of emotional, physical, mental and social which you can tap into when needed.

Practise the Practice: continue to share with your team that you’re practising resilience and emotional intelligence to heighten their awareness of the behaviours which make the difference.

Persistence – keep at it, keep practising, keep experimenting, keep tweaking and above all, remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Permanent – as James Clear said in his book, Atomic Habits, it may take 10,000 hours to form a new habit. Good Luck to make your resilient and emotional intelligence, permanent!

Please connect and contribute to this list of my tips to practise and in particular, lead others in Resilience and Emotional Intelligence. There so many wonderful practices practised by people which I haven’t captured. Your sharing will boost the resilience of other women.

For details about The Female Factor - CLICK HERE

To connect with me and discuss how we can potentially work together - CLICK HERE

What's your excuse?

I attempted a run this morning - first in two weeks as I've had a cold. (Excuse #1)

The weather is mild; perfect for an early run, even my running clothes were at then end of my bed - but I just had to check my social media, emails etc. (Excuse #2)

So, I eventually got out at 6am, ran about a km and it started to rain! (Excuse #3) 

Thinking I'd keep close to home I then realised I had to get the household out earlier than usual - and home I went. (Excuse #4)

 

How many excuses do you have in a day? I hesitate to guess. Whether it's to avoid giving someone feedback to a colleague, making that call to sell your great idea to a stranger or even saying "No" to that coffee - we all make excuses to avoid the feeling of anxiety or loss and the affect on our ego!

 

Resilience, courage and discipline all come to mind when I consider the development of a character required to avoid these excuses. 

Be up front with yourself - build your list of tasks/goals/challenges and all the excuses to avoid tackling these. Then, remind yourself why you need to complete these tasks/goals/challenges, how you're going to achieve these and how you might reward yourself!

No excuses this week! 

Do you plan your goal achievement?

Do you plan your goal achievement?

Goal setting is one of my favourite activities – it’s up there with writing lists, saying “yes” to challenges and drinking champagne!

As I prep for a workshop, which is already prepared for me using the process of #TakeON!, the SMART goal writing tool is used. I’m not an avid user of SMART, I used to be, many moons ago, but it’s well worth revisiting or sharing with your team if you struggle with achieving results. I generally find it’s in the specifics of the goal.

My favourite approach is back-planning. I visualise the accomplished goal and then work backwards – identifying the significant milestones arrived at and achieved, then back plan each step which I completed (in my head) to arrive at the goal.

It may have a fancy or trendy term (can I trademark it?) however I’ve used this technique for decades and its 80-90% foolproof.

What tool, technique, method, model etc. do you use to set goals and plan to achieve them? Or, dont you?

I recently completed the Locus of Control (thanks to Carol Howard @blackbirdsthree) which uncovered that I have a strong Internal Locus of Control – I’m very achievement-orientated. So, note to self – be mindful that we’re not all fanatical about goals!

Check Mind Tools for the neat article on Locus of Control – Are you in charge of your destiny?

Lou's Leadership Views: DON'T SET GOALS

Oh please don't set goals, especially if you're one of the folk who have all the good intentions in the world, setting goals at the beginning of the year and then don't do anything about them! You're then the first to say “Oh Goals, they seriously don't work.”

Stop giving Goal Setting such bad press. Your failure should not be the catalyst of non-action by others who you have the opportunity to influence.

Maybe you don't realise you're on the anti-goal setting team? Let me help you identify yourself.

Here’s what I've discovered in the past few weeks working with a few people and their goal setting attempts:

Grand Plans – creating the long list or dreaming up the gargantuan goal which is seriously way too big. It’s like ordering a big steak and then shoving into your mouth and attempting to eat it! Generally we use techniques & tools (a steak knife is good) to manage the goals. I’m loving Evernote to manage my goals (and business).

No Support – attempting to go it alone and being a hero. There are people in your life who would probably like to achieve the same goals. In the workplace – tell people, involve people – there are so many ‘helpers’ around who would be ‘turned on’ by being asked. And, if your partner loves you, then get them to join you or at least be there for moral support.

Self Doubt – listening to the negative language in your head; it’s a killer. It’s the biggest enemy of Goal Setting. If you’re hearing voices say “I can't do that” or “I'll start tomorrow” then focus on controlling this before you do anything.

No Visuals – relying on your memory to recall goals and goal progress – it is almost unachievable. Help your brain by ‘posting’ your goals, targets, achievements etc in places visible to the eye – in writing or try images.   

If you're guilty of the above four then you may need some help if you want to give the Goal Setting another go! 

Or, if you've given up on Goal Setting, then encourage others by using a crafted story which identifies your mistakes and 'what not to do'. Then, shut up!