TRY HARD - WISE WORDS FROM EM RUSCIANO

Hearing the book title, ‘Try Hard’, I thought I had found myself an easy pick – a typical American self-helper. Then when my eyes caught sight of the front cover, more clues were revealed, ‘Tales from the life of a needy overachiever’ suggested it can’t be American!

I didn’t know the author which surprised my Book Club friends – so I took a gamble, jumped into it quickly hoping I could use it for this reading challenge and was quickly reminded – you can’t judge a book by its cover!

This book is refreshingly different: it’s a memoir of someone’s life catastrophes and it’s a raw riot read. I laughed on the inside and giggled on the outside.

Em Rusciano is either a good writer or she’s got great support - or both. I immediately connected with her which is Life Lesson #1 – Connection. I slipped into her world as she talked with me (not at me), connected me with her story, creating a feeling I had a shared history with her as we romped the 'burbs of Melbourne. Yes, I was wrong. It’s an Australian memoir.

As Em suggests, it’s unlike Australians to ‘Try Hard’ in life. Hence the title. We grew up with the Tall Poppy syndrome casting a shadow on entrepreneurship, in particular, god forbid a woman attempting to make a mark. What does ‘try hard’ look like anyhow? Life Lesson #2 – Persistence. Her life (to date) has been unashamedly an example of the highs and lows and the need to keep striving to be who you are (and who you could be).

Try Hard is a collection of Em’s personal stories; some will: shock you, create tears, surprise you and many will make you laugh. These life chapters will mirror the life of many young women, however, I doubt few will elect to share publically the experiences of moving interstate, an unplanned pregnancy, elite athleticism, depression, debt and strong family values. Authenticism appeared on every page.  Life Lesson #3 – Be Authentic.

There are many life lessons to learn, with some being of a different nature. I learnt a new vernacular – the language of male and female genitalia! I credit Em for having the courage and gumption to take us to the nether region, challenging social taboos. She also purposely provides lessons to expectant mothers which I hope doesn’t sideline those deciding on being a mum or parent.

My affinity with Em is our connection with the Gay world. We both share the amazing friendship of a gay guy. A history of dancing in gay clubs, being the only female at their parties and in particular, being a ‘handbag’ at corporate functions. It’s a different type of relationship and continues to this day just as Em notes in her acknowledgements.

We are who we were – and this for me sums up the wisdom which Em so freely shares in her memoir. Our past shapes us, sharpens our behaviour and solicits our future. Which brings me to sharing what I plan to act on. I have noted five take outs from Try Hard (the self-helper in disguise):

·        Write a ‘final message from Mum’ letter to my kids – if I leave this world earlier than planned – I want to tell them how much I love them and reinforce how uniquely special they are and how I want them to approach their life.

·        Think and record more life stories. We all have a past which shouldn’t be ignored or forgotten. I am going to start recording a story a week – there are so many to capture.

·        Be courageous and publish my book. I too have many lessons to share.

·        Be more authentic – play to my strength of saying what needs to be said – too much time is wasted thinking about what should be said!

·        Be more thankful for my life and my relationships - work harder to make sure that life and these relationships get even better.

The ability to get up on the balcony, and view what’s going on down on the dancefloor (or arena) is the metaphor required for any book you read. Don’t be judgemental if you’re unfamiliar with the author or the title doesn’t hold your attention for more than two seconds. Give it a go, open yourself to digest the information and then form a view. I’m thankful that my Book Club provided the dancefloor to have a jig with Em Rusciano.

This quote appears at the end of Em's book - very appropriate. And refreshing to see this at the end rather than at the beginning of every chapter like so many self-helpers!

I’m endeavouring to read 52 Business/Professional/Personal Development books in 52 weeks. Yep, that’s one a week. As I read each book, I’ll share my thoughts, learning and recommendations. If there is a book that you’ve been meaning to read, let me know and I’ll read it for us!

Have you read BIG MAGIC?

Book Review: Big Magic - Creative Living Beyond Fear

‘Big Magic’ is the hunt to uncover the buried jewels deep within us all. And it’s having the courage to share your talent and treasures which in most cases are hidden within us.

As Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Big Magic – Creative Living Beyond Fear, says, “we are all walking repositories of buried treasure”.

Unlocking these treasures is no easy feat: a skilled Coach or talented leader may guide and support you achieve this search, however it takes ‘you’ to use your treasure.

Most people don’t do this.

So, you’d think by flicking through the book’s pages, Elizabeth would help.

Sadly, for me, I found Big Magic an authoritative directive rant. Whilst there were a few useful tips, I have to admit that I didn’t highlight any on my iPad. Maybe if you’re an artist, or a journalist, you’ll find this voice of authority particularly motivating.

I lost the ‘magic’ when I read Big Magic. I struggled to get into it and struggled to get out of it.

This was the 30th book to read in my self-imposed development challenge; a milestone worth celebrating. No champagne pops to be heard.

Elizabeth made her success whilst working full time and writing many books; thankfully one became a worldwide hit - Eat, Pray Love. Heard of it? Many have and I wonder if that has contributed to the interest in this book.

What did I miss? Interested to be corrected and to hear what you thought of the read.

I’m endeavouring to read 52 Business/Professional/Personal Development books in 52 weeks. Yep, that’s one a week. As I read each book, I’ll share my thoughts, learning and recommendations. If there is a book that you’ve been meaning to read, let me know and I’ll read it for us!

ARE YOU ACHIEVING EXTRAORDINARY RESULTS?

ARE YOU ACHIEVING EXTRAORDINARY RESULTS?

If you are achieving extraordinary results, I suspect you trust and are trusted by others. No matter what you are doing in life.

If you have the interest and agility to increase your results, consider the conversations you’ve had today; yesterday and the day before. If you deconstruct these conversations, what would you uncover about yourself? And, if you placed the results on a dashboard would the dial point to connected, productive or creative? Or would the dial move to the opposite side of this gauge – pointing to sceptic or resistor?

Judith E. Glaser, author of Conversational Intelligence – How Great Leaders Build Trust & Get Extraordinary Results, advises her readership and clients over the past 30 years that we’re probably speaking to and from the wrong brain – the Primitive Brain. (Who would have known?!)

By using your Executive brain, you’ll notice that this connection will alter everything: the way you phrase your greeting, ask your questions and how you offer or make comments. Rather than create distrust, this newish brain will build trust. And trust is the anchor in your relationships to weather all situations.

Whilst some of us might think our conversations are powerful, we may be failing to see the impact these interactions have on others. We need to heighten our awareness and increase our use of the Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ) skill which connects intentions with impact.

Judith’s goal is to help you move from operating at C-IQ ‘Level I – transactional’ (how to exchange data and information) and make the quantum leap to the learnable C-IQ ‘Level III – transformational’ (how to co-create conversations for mutual success). Put simply, change to a listener rather than a teller.

Your Conversational Dashboard ... where's your dial pointing?

The new language is co-create – working together, cutting through bureaucracy, hierarchical levels, removing the need to be right all the time, in an effort to build a successful culture. This is done by influencing each other’s neurochemistry, while we express our inner thoughts and feelings to strengthen relationships while making sense of the world. Too easy!

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Which brain do you operate from?

We have five brains according to the research which Judith shares liberally – each brain having an influence on our conversational ability. The Primitive brain, which hosts the fear mongering Amygdala, operates differently to our Prefrontal Cortex (Executive brain) which is activated when we feel we can trust others.

As leaders, we unconsciously drip-feed our teams with ‘conversational cocktails’; resulting in the team being drunk with happiness, excitement and enthusiasm, or, all too often, they start acting like angry animals.  The ‘cocktail’ is a mixture of biochemicals triggered by what you do and say. The chemicals, oxytocin (bonding), dopamine (when you’re right) and serotonin (happiness) are released if your conversation is at ‘Level III’ – when you and the team are working to achieve a mutually successful outcome.

When what we say, what we hear, and what we mean are not in agreement, we retreat into our heads and make up stories that help us reconcile the discrepancies.

So, when what we say, what we hear and what we mean are not in agreement, we retreat into our heads and make up stories that help us reconcile the discrepancies. We make “movies” and generally fail to connect.

If you were to replay ‘the movie’ of a recent staff meeting, what would you see and hear? Would you see the same people sitting in the same spots, hear the same people speak and see the agenda following a similar pattern? To make a change, Judith recommends commencing with a ‘Rules of Engagement’ activity which talks to the Amygdala, calming it down to be more fully engaged with the meeting intent. Similarly, when we host a workshop or conference – we break the ice with this style of activity to build trust in the group – we talk to the Amygdala!

The term ‘intelligence’ was brought alive with the advance of Emotional Intelligence (EQ); which is differentiated by Judith: “Emotional Intelligence is about self-regulation whereas conversational intelligence is about co-regulation”. I get this and it will be the EQ leader who will ease into becoming a C-IQ leader. One who will masterfully observe their inner world of desires whilst observing the impact of their actions on others.

I am currently reading Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s my 30th book. I’m a little behind with reviews as I found writing about Conversational Intelligence a challenge. I’m not totally sure why, the content isn’t new to me – it’s probably deciding what to share with you and what not to include!

Please take the opportunity to read this book. It’s a definite ‘must read’ to learn how to train your brain and ultimately achieve extraordinary results in your endeavours.

I have been inundated with questions about my reading project, in particular, my ability to read so many books. Well, I do read, I don’t listen to the books and I know that I am a disciplined person who enjoys learning what others are learning. I believe you must keep ahead of the amazing information and practices which others are successfully applying in their Leadership Practices.

I’m endeavouring to read 52 Business/Professional/Personal Development books in 52 weeks. Yep, that’s one a week. As I read each book, I’ll share my thoughts, learning and recommendations. If there is a book that you’ve been meaning to read, let me know and I’ll read it for us!